If you teach high school, you know that it’s really hard to seem cool to a bunch of kids. And it gets harder every single year. You become less involved in pop culture. You fall behind on the trends, the music and the lingo. But there is always one teacher in the building that is probably on the older side, that has such great relationships with students, even though they pretty much have nothing in common. Well, I may be young, but I can tell you, I dropped off of pop culture back in 2007. (I actually told the DJ at my wedding not to play anything produced after 2007.)
It’s actually not that hard to build relationships with students. You honestly just need to take an interest in your students AS PEOPLE. Here are three ways that I build relationships with students.
Hall of Fame
This past school year I had a group of boys that would show up to extra help all the time after school. Well, actually they’d go to somebody else’s extra help and then hang out in my room waiting for the late bus. They were AMAZING kids – they were so kind, polite and hardworking. I loved having them come to my room to hang out while I finished my daily To Dos.
Well I had these new chalk markers that I was using to write the kids names on the lab tables for a seating chart and the boys took them out to play with them. They started drawing on the windows, which was fine, because the markers work well on glass. One kid tried to create a “Reavy Wall of Fame” of the “best” kids. He asked what the qualifiers would be to make the wall, and then started writing names he thought I would pick. This evolved into my Hall of Fame.
In the hallway outside of my room, I created a square for every kid that scored above an 85 on a unit test. Where I teach, 85+ is considered “Mastery.” I wanted to show off how well my students were doing in chemistry! The kids were SO excited about the hall of fame. After the backlog of tests had made their way out to the hallway, kids started getting really into it. They weren’t just excited about having their name posted in the hallway. It’s completely inconsequential. What they were truly excited about was how proud I was of them. That I took the time to call them out by name for their successes. I was showing them off to the whole school like a proud mama. It stuck.
Whole Brain Teaching and Getting Emotional
I highly suggest you read the book Whole Brain Teaching, no matter who you teach or what subject you teach. I’m not saying you need to implement everything in the book! I really don’t care much for the hand movements. What I really like is the emotional component. There’s a trick to the concept, but what it comes down to is a really easy way to appeal to the emotional part of your students brains. You use a smiley and frowny face system for your classroom management.
When things go well, you add a tally to the smiley face. Not so great things get a frowny tally. When you do this well, you can say things like “you guys made me really proud” and give a smiley tally. Or perhaps, “you guys are almost there, but not quite” and give a frowny tally. What really happens is you use this system to speak emotionally with your students. It gives you an excuse to explain to the kids HOW YOU FEEL.
They don’t want to learn from a robot. They want to learn from a living, breathing, human being. This Whole Brain Teaching system gets you set up and in the mindset for easing into sharing your own emotions. When you share how you feel, they will relate to you. They will see you as a human, not a teacher who sleeps under their desk and doesn’t live a real life outside the building. (Also, a note, I really like the student teaching student aspect of Whole Brain – it’s the BEST!)
Self Assessment & Retakes
I have a podcast episode where I talk about building a climate for self assessment in your classroom, but here’s a breeze over. I think a great way that you can build relationships with your students is by asking them how they feel about the content you are teaching them. Sometimes kids get the right answer, but they’re not really sure why – they’re kinda confused. Other times, they are hopelessly lost and get the wrong answer. Ask them how they feel instead of “raise your hand if you got it right.” I’m telling you the response you get, especially if you do this consistently, will completely change how your students feel about you.
When you ask, it sends the message that you care about their learning. You care that they are part of the group. You want to know that what you’re doing is effective and you’re working to help them. Honestly, even if you don’t care about the answer (I really hope you do) ASK!
Unpopular Opinion and hill I’m willing to fight for: GIVE YOUR STUDENTS OPPORTUNITIES TO RETAKE OR REDO ASSIGNMENTS INCLUDING TESTS. I, at this point, only let kids retake tests. In fact, I let them take as many retakes as they like. I only otherwise grade labs (which they have lots of time to edit) and homework/classwork (which is mostly graded for effort). When I give my students the opportunity to retake a test it sends the message that I care more about their learning than I care about their grades. It is important to me that they LEARN, even if that learning is a little behind schedule. I strongly urge you to listen to the podcast episode or read the transcription.
Let’s Get Real Here…
I’ll just tell you right here: you can retake the SAT as many times as you like, you can retake your road test as many times as you need, and YOU CAN RETAKE YOUR TEACHER CERTIFICATION TESTS. I’m not saying you need to give unlimited retakes, I know that teachers are superheroes, but there is only so much work we can give ourselves. Create some protocol or policy where kids can show you that they learned even if it’s a little late.
And to the comment “what about the kids that learn it the first time and ‘did it right’?” Good for them. They have it easy, for now, that they can learn your subject the first time they hear it. I’m happy for them, but I refuse to leave the kids behind who need a little extra time. And in doing this, they KNOW FOR SURE that I care about them, and I want to give them every opportunity to do well.
Write them a Letter
My first year I had a particularly difficult group of kids. The classes were cohorts, so these kids had been together, all day, since 6th grade. And they certainly made their mark on the school and the teachers. I decided to try the one thing I wasn’t sure anybody else had done. Tell them what i loved about them. IN WRITING. I wrote index cards for them at Thanksgiving to tell them that I was grateful for them and the opportunity to teach them each day. IT WAS A HIT! The kids came to school more often. They’d come late to school just for my class, and leave early to skip the rest. We had fun, and we actually learned some chemistry. We converted everything we could into some game or something fun.
I became a favorite teacher of some of the toughest kids in the school. As a first year teacher I don’t think I knew all that much about being a teacher – let alone how to be a favorite. I mean, I was 23 and my oldest student was 21. If we had met at a bar, we could have been friends! But I took the time to appreciate them. I was absolutely floored at how this class that I would DREAD became my favorite (maybe of all time…)
It was decided, the “Love Letters” would continue. I did them again for Valentine’s day, but this time for ALL of my students. And I’ve done them every year since. Now, they are science themed Valentines that you can print and share with your students. Click here to get your own Valentines to share with your students!
Build Relationships with Students
There are honestly so many ways to build relationships with students. Your success will depend on your particular students and your personality. I really don’t think there is a limit to the number of ways that you can build relationships with your students. Go to a school event, give your students high fives… I’ll even walk past a classroom where one of my students is, poke my head in and just wave at them (and only them-it makes them feel special). The moral of the story is that kids want to feel noticed, appreciated and loved. When that happens they will love you in return. And when they love you, they don’t make your life more difficult on purpose.
Fine (but majorly important) print: There will be some kids, that no matter how much love you show them, won’t receive it. That’s okay. Find somebody to give that kid what they need – that’s all you can do. I’ve been in that situation and I know how hard and demoralizing it can feel. Just realize, you’re not everybody’s cup of tea and do your best.
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